2016 September 20, 1:10 pm
I decided that this was the day...
I didn't have the courage....
But I had to get it off my heart...
I never thought this would happen to me. Love... A passing fancy. That's all it was for me. Until now... Until she...
I don't remember the first time I saw her. I don't know how or when or why I liked her. Its been over three months now. I would look at her while I pass her by. After some days, she began to notice. Then her friends began to notice. They began to smile at me like I was some Joker who was to be their entertainment. But I never cared about what they thought.
So,
I would stand there all day
Like a monkey carved in clay.
My eyes tilted sideways,
To see her drift across my place.
She was atleast 2 years elder than I was. It was not Practical in any way. But I couldn't stop. Because there was a gleam of approval in her eyes. I don't think she liked me. No. How can she ever like a Stupid Mongrel that I am... But I think she enjoyed it. Took it as a fun game, I think. It's College, right? If you are a girl and a guy looks at you, it makes you feel like you are special. It gives you confidence.
But that was not how I wanted it to be. I was genuine. I liked her a lot and I wanted her to know that I was not some common "mouth-looker". I wanted her to know exactly how I felt. But how could I ask her to love me? I shouldn't even dream of her loving me back. She's beautiful, gracious and modest. She was everything that I will never be. And she was 2 years elder than I was. But she has to know. She deserves to know that Someone(even if it was this Stupid Mongrel) really liked her in a very positive and pristine sense. That's how I ended up on this day...
She was coming through the hallway... One of my friends, who was an expert in things like these, pushed me into doing this( and I wanted him to push me). He gave me courage. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been able to do this.
It's such a special moment for anyone who haven't done this before. You will shudder at the thought of her rejecting your love. You will shake all over like you are in the bloody north pole. Your heartbeat will be louder that you can't even hear your own thoughts. Only God knows whether you would mess it up or not...
She was coming. I walked towards her. I gestured to her that I had to say something...
She stopped...
I approached.
For a little while, No one but Us.
ME : I have something to say... but please hear everything that I have to say...
She nodded...
There was a mysterious smile on her face... like she knew what was about to happen.
ME : I really don't have any intention of disturbing you... But, I REALLY LIKE YOU A LOT...
There..... I saw her Smiling to her fullest. For the first time in my life, I saw a woman blushing...
No matter what, THIS WILL BE THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
I was about to say the rest of what I had in mind. Then she lifted her hand and gestured me to stop...
ME : Please hear me out...
SHE : No, wait...
ME : Yes.
SHE : I HAVE NO INTEREST IN HEARING THE REST.
O Boy...!
Queen to f7. CHECK MATE.
All I could do was nod..
I saw her going into her class...
I turned back and walked towards my friends...
From the very beginning, I knew this would happen. I was prepared. So it was easy. Normally for the sensitive person that I am, my heart should've blasted. But for the first time in life I felt proud... I felt relieved...
But she could've let me say what I had in mind. How else can she...
Well, let's forget about all that. I will never blame her for what she did. My respect for her only grew after she modestly "got rid of me". So I will not disturb her. That is not what I am.
But did you hear what she said. She said she had no interest in hearing the rest. She never said she didn't like me. I mean that's the general response in situations like these. What the hell does that mean? God... these women are so complicated. But nonetheless, I will not disturb her.
If she is the one for me, she will definitely be mine. Only I had to do my part. That I honestly did.
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